The Enema Was There…When Gutenberg Published the Bible

In a move shocking long-time Christians, Johannes Gutenberg has decided to publish a printed version of the Bible.

“It seemed like the right thing to do,” said Gutenberg. “We need to update this franchise and take it in a new direction,” he added while counting his huge stacks of money from corporate sponsors.

Various religious communities have been in an uproar since Gutenberg announced that he would be making sweeping editorial changes to what the media is calling ‘The Gutenberg Bible.’ The concern is that these modifications will be at the whim of his financial sponsors and not respect the historic text.

When asked about the proposed renaming of the ‘Reed’ Sea to the ‘Red’ Sea, The Vice President of Red Sea Lobster Hut said “In these times of uncertainty, we want our customers to know that we can offer the same delicious buffet Moses enjoyed when they visit with their families. All we’re offering is continuity in the world. And a $11.99 All-You-Can-Eat Shellfish Shabbat Special.”

Another proposed change would frame the famous wine-into-water wedding scene to present Jesus transforming water into wine.

When we asked Johannes Gutenberg about this change, he responded “Look, there isn’t anything stating that Jesus wasn’t a bit of a lush! I just don’t think that it’s fair to assume that he couldn’t have transformed the water into wine. We weren’t there! We don’t even know what Jesus actually looked like. Blond? Blue eyes? Have you seen the Palestinians of Bethlehem? Not one of them actually looks like that!”

Jesus Christ could not take our phone calls, but promised to return soon.