How Glad are We to Live as Slave-Drones in a World Gone Mad? Very.

Ever since our offices were stormed by University death squads and our minds erased, our opinion of the nightmarish dystopia in which we live has gone way up! In fact, ever since Frohnmayer declared himself Emperor-for-Life of Frohmania, things have been pretty darn good!

To those foolish few who reject the benevolent love of the Frohn, we would like to point out all the things that make Frohnmania so great:

Remember when we didn’t live in liquid-filled tubes? Man did that suck. And being pneumatically whisked from our holding cells to obedience classes? So much fun!

Remember last year when we broke the story about the Great Plan militarizing the University? We said it would be a bad thing. How silly we were.

We all remember what happened to Sam and Johnny when they came out against the Great Plan. Although their heads have long since rotted off the spikes outside Johnson Hall, their story still reminds us to love our glorious leader unconditionally.

Thanks to the lobotomies, we can hardly remember back to time when things weren’t prefect. In the hazy past of last summer, we remember something about a campus curfew. Then forced breeding, feeding tubes and mind wipes.

We remember that things weren’t always easy for our wonderful society. Last summer, Kitty Piercy, encased in a giant cyborg body bristling with all manner of death rays, nearly defeated Frohnmayer in single combat. Oh the joy when the smoking hulk of that inhuman Mayor crashed to the ground!

Well, it’s almost noon, time for the Daily Devotion and Cleansing of the Colons. The boots of the guards are making a happy clomping sound as they come to place us oh-so-gently back in our living-tubes. Until next time: may your thoughts be pure and your actions pleasing to the Frohn, long may he reign.